By Daniel Garner
"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life" - Proverbs 4: 23 (NLT)
"Husband, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might by Holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" - Ephesians 5: 23-33 (ESV)
"Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. It may mean giving up familiar but limiting patterns, safe but unrewarding work, values no longer believed in, and relationships that have lost their meaning" - John C. Maxwell
As a pastor I'm asked quite often to counsel couples on relationships. Which is surprising to me, because if there’s one thing I've learned it’s that of 7 out of 10 international polls it’s been said that the closest I ever got to marriage ended like a fried Twinkie at a Southern fair. In fact, I've been told "you're next!" enough by older ladies as they pinch my cheek at weddings I've had the privilege to officiate that there's been times I've been tempted to start arranging seating there by age and handing out funeral discount vouchers to the oldest.
But I will say this about relationships:
GUYS: Treat women as ladies; not girls. With those who don't act with lady-like distinction, still treat them well. You never know, maybe they've never had a gentlemanly influence and you can be that example. Honor her purity. Make it your armor. The relationship may not last, but the memories will and memories can sustain you or break you. Respect her even if there's times she doesn't respect herself. Holding her hand during a trial is easily just as important as kissing her in the rain. Though flattering, those who chase you down aren't always the best for you. Never be with someone who you would mind influencing your future 13 year old daughter.
LADIES: Boys hold relationships hostage, men don't. Try and see what a man does when he doesn't know you're looking. Is he consistent? Anyone can put on a front but fronts can never last. Men are pragmatic, so talk with him about everything. If he doesn't do or say something you wish he would then he probably doesn't because he cares about you enough that he think he shouldn't so he doesn't. Look at what he's willing to do for you. What he's willing to cook or eat, if he compliments instead of just flattering, who he's willing to meet for you, how far he's willing to travel and put up with and if he expects something in return.
Or if he's more than willing to accept the amazing reward of simply being able to sit next to you.
Proverbs 4: 23 says: "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life". It's easy for us to "settle" for someone because we're tired of being alone or think that we don't deserve or can't get someone better. But loneliness is a terrible motivator! It's hard, really hard sometimes, not to give in to the weaker sides of ourselves. Make God your rock, purity your armor, and the Word your anchor. If we do that even though there will be times that we want to be with someone or to have someone to hold, with God even though we might feel lonely we're never alone!
The Takeaway: The Lord wants us to be happy and to prosper. And just because He may be calling us to singleness more often or longer than we might like, it doesn't mean that He doesn't care about us and is not still working through our lives and preparing us for the wonderful relationships that He wants us to have.